Why do some children seem willing to cooperate while others do not?

In fact, children learn to be cooperative and helpful. They do not become that way automatically. They have to learn to work with others by sharing materials and information. Children have to learn how to make someone else’s work or play easier. This learning takes place slowly, but the foundations can be laid early in life.

Here are some things parents and caregivers can do that will set the stage for the development of cooperation:

1. Be a model. This is one of the best ways to teach cooperation because children imitate the actions of people who are important to them. If young children see parents and other adults cooperating with others, they will be more willing to do the same. When a parent helps a neighbor move an air conditioner, or takes a casserole to the new family next door, he or she is setting an example that is seen by children and recorded for future reference.

2. Provide other models of good behavior. Children are exposed to lots of models other than parents, including television, movies, books, recordings, and videogames. Make an effort to screen these media and choose those that show good friendships, unselfish giving, or acts of kindness.

3. Give suggestions and reasons. One of the reasons adults sometimes fail to help is that they do not know what to do or how to do it. Don’t expect a child to automatically know how to do anything without specific, concrete suggestions. For example, tell a 5-year-old: “Joan, push the door and hold it open for Mrs. Stanley. She’s having trouble doing that and pulling the grocery cart, too.” A 4-year-old is more likely to help if you say: “I want you to help me set the table because I have to finish the salad. Here are the plates. Put a napkin, a knife and a fork next to each plate—like this.” Giving reasons along with suggestions helps children understand why another person needs their help and makes them more willing to cooperate.

4. Assign age-appropriate but real responsibilities. We usually get what we expect from children and they need to know that we expect them to take an active part in the work of the family. Parents can convey expectations of cooperation and helpfulness not by preaching but by giving children real chores.

5.  Do a project. Work on a family project together. The authors of 365 Ways To Help Your Children Grow recommend creating a family nature collage. “First, get the family together and go on a walk to collect small objects like flowers, stones, seeds, etc. then when you return home take a large piece of poster board and design a scene by allowing everyone to contribute some of their found objects.”

6.  Give suggestions and reasons. Help your children understand why they should cooperate and give them suggestions to help them learn cooperation. Often children do not see a need so giving a suggestion helps them realize how they can cooperate. The other day at church I asked my son to hold the door open for me. When he asked why I explained because I was holding books in one hand and my youngest daughter in the other it would have been hard for me to do. Then I thanked him for helping me. Giving your child reasons why they should cooperate makes them more willing to do so.

Source:  Children’s Day Newsletter, May 2004 and CuteKid Staff

Books and Text for Preschoolers to Promote Cooperation:

·      Swimmy By Leo Lionni

·      A Castle on Viola Street by DyAnne DiSalvo

·      The Librarian of Basra:  A True Story from Iraq by Jeanette Winter

·      The Enormous Potato by Aubrey Davis

·      A Little Story about a Big Turnip by Tatiana Zunshine

·      Stone Soup by Jon Muth

·      With Love, Little Red Hen by Alma Flor Ada

·      Sam Johnson and the Blue Ribbon Quilt by Lisa Campbell

·      Bone Button Borscht by Aubrey Davis

Source: http://www.mohumanities.org 9/23/14